My Grandson thinks I am the greatest thing since chocolate ice cream. He also believes that I can do anything. (which is not quite true). A month ago he arrived at my house with his new skateboard. “ Hey Gramps”, he said, ”come on out and try out my new skateboard.”

“Watch this”, he said and with that he hopped on the thing and zoomed down my driveway did a couple flip ups turned around in mid air and landed smooth as silk. “What do you think of that”, he asked. “WOW”. I replied, “ that was really something. If you keep that up you will soon be as good as me”. “Why, when I was a bit younger, I could do that while riding my bicycle backwards with my eye closed and my hands tied behind my back”. “Aw Gramps, you are pulling my leg”, he said. “Nah,” I said, "would I lie to you?” I replied.

“No, I know you would not lie if your life depended upon it". "However," he said, "since you are so good hop aboard and give me a demonstration of your skill”. “Well son”, I said, “I would but since your grandma got so persnickety, I have had to tone down my activities. Why she thinks I should even hire someone to tie my shoes".

“Well if you are afraid of Grandma I guess you will never know the thrill of skate boarding." He said, “Well now I wouldn’t say that. Maybe if you give me a few lessons I will be able to sneak a ride or two without her knowing about it“, I replied. “Ok”, he said, “ I will show, you, he first thing you need to know is that while you are learning you need to keep your arms outstretched like a bird in flight. That helps you to keep your balance. After a few rides you can do some other things too, but for now lets just keep it simple. You get on the board and I will hold you to help you keep your balance, lets try it in the garage, on level ground, and then when you get the hang of it we can go down the driveway." “Oh heck” I said, “let's just start down the drive. I think I can handle that“. “Well I don’t know, but if you think you can, I believe you.”

With that he put the board, pointed down the drive, and helped me to mount it. It started out fairly slow and I was beginning to gain confidence in my ability to master the thing, but as I coasted down the drive, the speed kept increasing until I thought I was approaching the speed of sound and what was worse, I was afraid to get off thinking I might fall and break something important. Faster and faster I went until I thought I heard the shock wave as I broke the speed of sound. Still I was able to keep my balance and by now I was down the street in front of my neighbors house. “Hey you idiot what in Hades do you think you are doing”? I had no time to answer as was already past him. It was then I noticed the cross street ahead of me. “Oh my goodness," I thought, “what if there is a car coming". I didn’t have to wait long before I knew the answer to that one There it was coming across the street from my left and not going too fast so I thought I would get by before it got there. Unfortunately my calculations were a little bit off and we both arrived at the same time.

I can still see the frightened look on the drivers face when he looked and saw me coming at light speed toward the side of his vehicle and I assume he saw the terror on my face also. I still think we could have avoided a collision, but he slammed on the brakes and the crash could be heard for blocks. He got out of his car and asked the same stupid question everyone always asks, “are you alright?" Then I also asked a stupid question, “did I hurt your car?"

By this time someone viewing the scene had called 911 and I could hear the siren in the distance, rapidly approaching. My clothing was torn and parts of my body were exposed and bleeding and I was thinking of not giving my real name to avoid the unfavorable publicity which was going to be the result of this misfortune. But no, my neighbor arrived and gave them everything they needed to know to add to my ill fated decision to ride “the Board” Then someone said his wife is on the way. Gosh I thought, will this nightmare never end .
Now I was in the ambulance with medics going over my body trying to determine the extent of my injury. One of them said, “I think this idiot is going to live“. The other replied, “Well if he keeps this kind of thing up, it won’t be for long“. To which I replied, "Who are you calling an idiot you moron“?. "Sorry sir," he replied, "I thought you were unconscious."

Eventually we arrived at the hospital and I was the subject of much discussion about the amount of brains some people may have, but don’t use much or very often.
After what seemed like an eternity the doctor reported to me that although I was bruised, battered and bloody, I did not have any broken bones and soon I would be bandaged up and ready to go home (as soon as you pay the bill for this little episode).

I want to tell you that for a “little “episode”, the price did not match the size of the episode and I knew that when my wife met me at the hospital entrance, I might as well commit suicide rather than face the wrath of Kahn.

I also knew committing suicide would be less painful, too.